Disappointed.

I know no one reads this. That's the point. Otherwise, the things discussed wouldn't be secret as they are now. I just needed to post this today because I have nowhere else to talk about it. We've been trying to get pregnant for 7 months now. It has been really disappointing. Even though I won't admit it to K, every time I get my period at the end of my cycle, I feel my hopes crushed. I've been charting for a year now and have discovered that I don't ovulate every cycle: usually every other cycle. But I can't tell in the beginning of my cycle whether I will O or not, I can only tell after the fact. I can't even tell when my fertile period would be because I don't get "those signs" (it's a bit in depth so you can just figure it out yourselves). So I just have to hope for the best. Well this past time it seemed really likely to happen, and then didn't. I keep track of my temp, so I kind of knew it might be a bust, but K was sincerely sad when I told him nope. I don't want to give him unhappy news. I want him to smile and get really excited, like I know he wants too. Today, one of my Facebook friends announced her baby's gender (boy) and another announced she's pregnant. Normally, I would be really happy for these girls, and I am. They have little miracles and blessings on their ways. But I don't. And I know more than 6 pregnant girls right now. That's a lot. I know my time will come, but I have this awful feeling that it won't. I have a feeling it's going to be really hard, and I will cry a lot, and that scares me.

I'm really hoping this post turns out to be just a blip in the emotions I have in the next year. I hope it isn't a problem and I hope it happens soon. All we can do now is keep trying, praying, and living our lives for God.