"I'll be fine."

This video sums up how I feel tonight. The body of the song doesn't really fit, because it's about his battle with Diabetes, but the chorus is perfect.




"This song is for every broken heart, for every lost dream, for every high, and for every low, and for every person who's ever felt alone. And tonight, this song, this song is for you."

Disappointed.

I know no one reads this. That's the point. Otherwise, the things discussed wouldn't be secret as they are now. I just needed to post this today because I have nowhere else to talk about it. We've been trying to get pregnant for 7 months now. It has been really disappointing. Even though I won't admit it to K, every time I get my period at the end of my cycle, I feel my hopes crushed. I've been charting for a year now and have discovered that I don't ovulate every cycle: usually every other cycle. But I can't tell in the beginning of my cycle whether I will O or not, I can only tell after the fact. I can't even tell when my fertile period would be because I don't get "those signs" (it's a bit in depth so you can just figure it out yourselves). So I just have to hope for the best. Well this past time it seemed really likely to happen, and then didn't. I keep track of my temp, so I kind of knew it might be a bust, but K was sincerely sad when I told him nope. I don't want to give him unhappy news. I want him to smile and get really excited, like I know he wants too. Today, one of my Facebook friends announced her baby's gender (boy) and another announced she's pregnant. Normally, I would be really happy for these girls, and I am. They have little miracles and blessings on their ways. But I don't. And I know more than 6 pregnant girls right now. That's a lot. I know my time will come, but I have this awful feeling that it won't. I have a feeling it's going to be really hard, and I will cry a lot, and that scares me.

I'm really hoping this post turns out to be just a blip in the emotions I have in the next year. I hope it isn't a problem and I hope it happens soon. All we can do now is keep trying, praying, and living our lives for God.